Acceptance is such a common theme that I am revisiting it again – you can see my first video post on the topic here:
Naturally, when we are faced with something unpleasant, we want it to go away. As with any problem we encounter in life, our natural instinct is to find a solution. We may seek this solution through consulting with a health professional, requesting input from our community or attempting self management. Thankfully, one of these options generally provides the answers we seek and the distress passes.
Sometimes, however, there is no easy fix to what is happening. It may be a chronic illness, a life-altering diagnosis or even a caregiving arrangement but somehow an exit is simply impossible. Try as we might, we can’t find a way to make the problem smaller and we can’t walk away from what is happening.
The mental toll of the ongoing discomfort then becomes compounded because our minds have difficulty letting go of the constant search for relief.
It’s often at this point that the word “acceptance” starts to arise, whether it be through a counsellor, friends and family or a Google search. When the the word acceptance comes up, it might feel disheartening and defeatist. But it’s not.
Acceptance is not weakness.
Acceptance is not giving in.
Acceptance is not wallowing.
Acceptance is not resigning oneself to misery and pain. Instead, acceptance is a decision and an attitude of empowerment and strength. While resignation implies a posture of submission, acceptance entails an active stance. In acceptance, we stop struggling against the unchangeable reality and we allow it to be there as we keep living anyway.
With acceptance, we acknowledge the facts of a situation that are outside of our control and we make the choice to take small steps that are within our capacities. We recognize our limitations with compassion and then we reconstruct our story to see how our life values can be expressed, even if not in the ways we are used to.
To be clear, there is no shame in feeling the losses and grief that might be occurring. It’s healthy, and even necessary, and no one can dictate the time it will take. However, moving into acceptance signifies a reframing of life with those losses held with tenderness.
Acceptance is the beauty of allowing all of the messiness of life to be there and noticing that we have a precious place in the mix.